My best friend got me to join a narcotics anonymous group a little over three months ago. This is my second blog and I want to give you guys a better understanding of who I am and a little more background on that. I am in narcotics anonymous. I will admit that. I used to hide that about myself, but now I’m alright with it. I don’t shout it from the rooftops in joy, but I’m so thankful I discovered my home group with the help of my friend.
Now I know that being in narcotics anonymous, especially for the heavy use of alcohol in my past, and being at a bar don’t usually mix well. Although I’m not drinking, I can still appreciate the atmosphere around me. I now have enough willpower to stay sober at a bar. Believe it or not, staying sober while being here actually inspires me to not drink. Have you ever taken a look around bars, or even parties while staying sober? People become terribly repetitive and make decisions they typically wouldn’t. I don’t want my readers getting the wrong idea thinking I’m talking down about drinkers. I know some really smart and interesting people who drink…a lot. No, my point is that I used to be that fool in the crowd. Yeah I could keep drinking until the sun came out, but towards the end of my use of drinking, I started to make stupid and regrettable decisions that on a normal basis I wouldn’t have made. I acted like a completely different person who I couldn’t even recognize anymore.
Being sober now I have to say that it feels good to be able to go into a party environment and stay confident in my regular mindset. Although I’m way more shy that way, in time my shield always seems to come down. I know I still have a lot more work to do to keep this positive mindset, but it’s such a huge step in the right direction. I can truly say I like who I am. Just a few months ago I wouldn’t be able to say that.
Like I said in my first blog, I’m looking simply to relate with my readers. I’m not here to be a leader or tell you to follow my advice and you will stay happy and sober forever. I can’t, nor would I ever make promises like that. I also wouldn’t recommend people in narcotics anonymous to go out and test their willpower like I am doing at this very moment. Believe it or not, although I had a problem not too long ago resisting drugs and alcohol isn’t all that hard for me…well, at least most of the time because life could get really tough. Of course sometimes I would like to unwind with a few drinks, but I know myself better than anyone else and with me there’s no such thing as just a few.
I think about my daughter. I think about my wife. I want to do right by them. I don’t want to disappoint them because they mean everything to me. I will always have my internal struggles but, by showing a little bit of resistance, I can grow stronger by the day. Anybody out there reading this who have their own vices and inner demons, I want you to know that if you want to see change, just do it! You have what it takes. If I could do it, so can you.
I’ll leave you with this last message. Through my years of internal battles (which is far from over) I’ve learned that you could be your own best friend, but just as easily, you can become your very own worst enemy. It’s all about your everyday choices and final decisions that you make. You also have to be careful about how you talk to and about yourself.
I’m on step two of my twelve-step program. There’s no set time that will take to complete. It’s not just a homework assignment you take home to complete. It’s steps you learn from living life. So go out there and live your life to the fullest, with nothing but your best intentions. Take care of your mind, body and soul and you very well may become your own best friend. Someone who you can confide in. Someone who you can trust, inevitably creating long lasting and honest relationships with people on the same wavelength as yourself. I believe in myself everyday and you should believe in yourself too.